Running with Obama

yes we can

 

I really think our dear President Obama is a hottie with oodles of personality, determination and charisma , but most of all , I love his marketing team for their campaign slogan of “YES WE CAN”. In his hair raising speech on change he says “Don’t tell me we can’t change.Yes, we can. Yes, we can change. Yes, we can.Yes, we can heal this nation. Yes, we can seize our future”

Every runner, especially a beginner needs more mental fuel than physical stamina to get running & I was looking for mine, when I came across the concept of auto suggestion.  In my understanding this is mental fuel to make you believe anything that you say to yourself.After all if will power is a muscle, auto suggestion is the gas fueling that muscle.

So from no on every time I feel the need to Gas my drive for running, I use the 3 famous words – “YES WE CAN”

– to my racing heart- “Yes You Can”

– to my deflating spirit “Yes you Can”

–  to my  aching muscles “Yes you Can”

– to my mind that is dying to give up – “Yes You Can”

And as I pound my way on the concrete path to my goal – I say it loudly. It works. I love it !

“Yes I Can”  drown every negative self-defeating thought in my head.

“Yes I Can” still breathe when I am out of breath & feel like even all the oxygen on this planet is not enough to  fill my lungs when I am running

“Yes I Can ” run even when my calves start hurting & ask me to stop running all together

“Yes I Can” Run when my C25K (Couch to 5k) app asks me to start running for the 5th time in my 30 minute run & I want to ask her to shut up

“Yes I Can” Run even when my shoes feels like it they are misbehaving (I never found a shoe that fit me right till I used this slogan)

“Yes I Can” Run even if it is cold or sunny or raining

“Yes I Can” Run even if my running partner wants the day off

“Yes I Can” Run . NO MATTER WHAT!

And as he concludes his speech  “ we are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in three simple words — yes, we can.”

So thank you President Obama for showing me a different way. Thank you for inspiring me & running with me. I hope I get to run an actual marathon with you.

 

 

Running to be a billionaire – Big O’s!

If I could be given a $ for every reason that I had, to not run & exercise I would be a billionaire by now. So if being unrelenting means  – OVERCOMING OBSTACLE (Big OO’s),  this is my plan to go rich- Putting $5 for me for every reason that I overcame to go running  –

DAY8 – $40- Didn’t wake up this morning – -OO– Morning is just one part of the day & I cant ruin the rest of my day with guilt . Will Run before 4pm & will look forward to it with a lot of enthusiasm , even if it is fake enthusiasm

DAY7 – $35Girls Night Out at 8.30 –OO — I don’t need 2 & a 1/2 hours to get ready – Go Run

DAY6 $30 EARNED – My T Shirt looks  crappy- OO – Buy new clothes when you reach a $100 & then run more to make it up – Leave now !

Day 5 $25 – EARNED – I love my Blanket – OO- if you don’t move now your bed will produce bugs so RUN.. (yes i have imagination)

Day  4 $20 EARNED – My Shoes Hurt – OO – get new shoes – go run now

Day 3 $15 EARNED – Got my periods – OO – Thank you Tampons – If i can stand then I can walk If I can walk , I can try & walk faster & then I can run!

Day 2 $10 EARNED –  He said he was coming & backed out – OO – Fuck it I am going

Day 1 – $5 EARNED – Its cloudy –OO – I don’t care , i just saw someone running , I am jealous – I am going ! WHAT’S YOUR REASON TO BE A BILLIOANIRE

3 Fs of a (wannabe) runner

I always felt that gravity had  special attraction  to my bum. I can sit for hours & feel miserable about not moving my ass &  moving it seems like an olympian task! I am miserable & I know all it takes to get over it is to wear a pair of shoes & step out, but that disgusting feeling of failure creeps in like ice cubes floating on the surface of melted ice. Somehow I know that when that cube will reach me, it will freeze again & its weight alone will make my  ass stick to where it has been.fail

I spent 8 years from going in & out of running & exercising to getting out of it completely. I was tired of loosing the battle both physically but most of all mentally. It was emotionally draining for someone who managed to succeed really well in her career to not be able to figure out something as simple as exercising. I “hated” going to the gym because I never understood what to do ..I never saw the point of lifting all those weights & running to no where on a tread mill , most of all, I hated was the feeling of people eyes on me. I was 5ft.11′ tall & weighing 190 pounds & in a country where most women were 5ft.5′ & most men barely reaching a height of 5.10, I was a giant that had to be looked at . To add to it , I learnt that I disliked being in rooms that did not have big glass windows & air flow that would make atleast a strand on my head move- CO2 inhale & CO2 exhale – a breath taking horror story.

So in an effort to never give up I tried stepping out for a run with the most expensive shoe I could buy & landed up injuring my knee, thanks to the concrete & low Vitamin D levels (as my Dr explained to me  years later). Bone Spurs in my knees at 28 was what ended that one month of happiness in my life.

Add hypo thyroid to the equation & soon I started looking at myself as a hippo with thyroid. Then came the comments on how fat I was, how no one would ever fall in love with me because of my weight, how I would have pregnancy related issues, let alone the problems that will follow with obesity – diabetes & heart disease. This constant criticism led me to eat more, that made me feel guilty & then I ate even more- net result –  205 pounds , depressed, sick & not knowing where to go or what to do .

I was fed up of being FAT , FORGIVING of all the insults and a huge ass FAILURE at reaching my goals

Having reached this point & given all the medical & health drama in my life, this had to change urgently & quickly. I decided that if I have to succeed at being able to run my 5k & winning it , I have to give my self reasons to succeed & I am doing just that !

 

Consistently Ironic

It’s like everything on me is moving … All the fat & muscles rise and fall inside my thick skin like the lashing of the waves against a rock- my only hope being that just as  the rock changes form, I will be able to change my form to something I love more. I am 5.11 & weigh 205 pounds after-all! Running should make that happen. But really who is running to loose weight. Not me for sure. My goal is to establish to myself that I am completely capable of sticking to routine and that I can be consistent, undeviatingly persistent and definitely entertained along the way. Not an easy goal for someone who squirms at the word ROUTINE.

I pride myself for trying new things all the time.This begins with something as ridiculous as never having bought same toothpaste twice to almost never sleeping on the same side of the bed more than two continuous night. To make sleep interesting I would lay my head on the opposite side of the head board or to make it even more exciting , I would sleep diagonally across the bed. I don’t sit on the same chair everyday for dinner. I sit everywhere in my living room ( floor, TV stands, rugs, coffee table etc) I don’t visit the same restaurant twice (with the exception of one or two), shopping at the same grocery store twice in a row- no no, I wake up at different times everyday, I sleep at different times everyday & I change the way things happen around me all the time! Sometimes I wonder I owned a company would I change its goal of  making profits to that of making losses..or would I be so bored that  maybe I need to have more husbands or new parents every year. What if I had children & got bored of them & wanted to swap for new children or live in a new house everyday or be a shape shifter so I could be any body or thing or animal I choose to be.

And while that  maybe a lot of fun to some peeps I know, it is not so much fun for someone living with me, especially if that someone believes that consistency not only gives you roots & security, but also trains your mind to achieve goals. That got me thinking on why I was failing miserably at achieving some goals, especially my dream of running my first 5k. “You cant want to run in sports shoes on one day & stilettos on another day , just to see how it feels” he said.”You also need to have a fixed time to go running and run in a certain way (implying don’t start dancing in the middle of your run because that would make it exciting). You also need to wear the same boring tracks & tees but to make it interesting you can have it in different colors(implying he empathises & is trying to fix the problem in a win win way) . It’s all about function you know” he said alarmed at the reasons and whining for the whole of last year & almost every single day of this year about how I can’t run & why it can be so boring, but how I was soo jealous of every runner I see.

So I have decided. And it is final. My new change would come in the form of consistency- ironic I know, but definitely needed. I promise to run till I reach my 5k. I promise to follow the boring lady’s voice of the Couch to 5k app on my phone.

I most definitely promise to dance on the road if  Pharrel William sings Happy while I do all of this Consistently!

Jealous Admiration & Good Advice

Its not enough that the media bombs you with enough images of people who look super hot & super successful (easy to ignore most times), they sometimes land up telling you about their struggles & pains in getting there (and thats the tough part for me). The net outcome of this is that I land up wondering where I went wrong ?

The thing about  coming across people who are successful , is that I develop a feeling of guilt , disgust, anger..not so much towards the successful person, but mostly towards myself. ..Why I don’t have this success in my life, is just one of the many questions that came to my mind. And that I chose to ignore, until a month ago, when I realized that I was jealous of every runner, cyclists & swimmers. Every time I saw someone who was healthy & in great physical shape, I was overcome with sadness. It was definitely not sadness for those  poor out of breath runners who were constantly challenging themselves, but a sadness that was coupled with self pity & sometimes self rage, for not achieving my goals. I realised I was sad & jealous & miserable (with a smile on my face) , because I wanted their life & I wanted it now.

This admiration based hate has been a part of my life for the last 5 years. When I think back, I feel I sowed these seeds when I started getting sick & began feeling defeated by it or maybe it was at that time when I saw everyone around me, achieve professional dreams by simply knowing what they wanted to do in life & did it with great ease or was it something else all together. Either ways I was on a path of defeat & misery & suffering & I  just got more & more of it in my life. I had no appreciation for my life, my friends, my husband, my body, my many professional  successes.

That was until a moth ago when I was giving advice to a friend who was on a similar path of belittling herself. She was way younger than I was & it only saddened me to hear of the way she thought of herself. In my effort to encourage her I said something & I think it may have been the smartest thing I have said to anyone so far. I told her to appreciate her small victories be her biggest cheer leader, no matter how small her victory was. No one was going to appreciate her if she was going to be so unappreciative. I don’t know of anyone loving or buying  a product that a salesman disparaged.

Yes it’s easier to give advice than use it ! And as I though of all the smart things that just came pouring out of me to save a friend from future misery, I decided that I needed the most saving first! After all I followed Zilch of what I was saying!

So here I am posting a blog as a reminder to myself,  that I will be what I set out to be. I will achieve my goals & I hope that in the process of getting there, I will be able to inspire someone who is caught in this jealous insanity