I always felt that gravity had special attraction to my bum. I can sit for hours & feel miserable about not moving my ass & moving it seems like an olympian task! I am miserable & I know all it takes to get over it is to wear a pair of shoes & step out, but that disgusting feeling of failure creeps in like ice cubes floating on the surface of melted ice. Somehow I know that when that cube will reach me, it will freeze again & its weight alone will make my ass stick to where it has been.
I spent 8 years from going in & out of running & exercising to getting out of it completely. I was tired of loosing the battle both physically but most of all mentally. It was emotionally draining for someone who managed to succeed really well in her career to not be able to figure out something as simple as exercising. I “hated” going to the gym because I never understood what to do ..I never saw the point of lifting all those weights & running to no where on a tread mill , most of all, I hated was the feeling of people eyes on me. I was 5ft.11′ tall & weighing 190 pounds & in a country where most women were 5ft.5′ & most men barely reaching a height of 5.10, I was a giant that had to be looked at . To add to it , I learnt that I disliked being in rooms that did not have big glass windows & air flow that would make atleast a strand on my head move- CO2 inhale & CO2 exhale – a breath taking horror story.
So in an effort to never give up I tried stepping out for a run with the most expensive shoe I could buy & landed up injuring my knee, thanks to the concrete & low Vitamin D levels (as my Dr explained to me years later). Bone Spurs in my knees at 28 was what ended that one month of happiness in my life.
Add hypo thyroid to the equation & soon I started looking at myself as a hippo with thyroid. Then came the comments on how fat I was, how no one would ever fall in love with me because of my weight, how I would have pregnancy related issues, let alone the problems that will follow with obesity – diabetes & heart disease. This constant criticism led me to eat more, that made me feel guilty & then I ate even more- net result – 205 pounds , depressed, sick & not knowing where to go or what to do .
I was fed up of being FAT , FORGIVING of all the insults and a huge ass FAILURE at reaching my goals
Having reached this point & given all the medical & health drama in my life, this had to change urgently & quickly. I decided that if I have to succeed at being able to run my 5k & winning it , I have to give my self reasons to succeed & I am doing just that !